


Delicate

by AndYourPoint



Series: Gasoline [3]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-11-02 13:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndYourPoint/pseuds/AndYourPoint
Summary: Yeah, I want you.





	Delicate

**Author's Note:**

> STOP!
> 
> This is a fic within a fic. I recommend reading the original work, "Gasoline" for context and insist you at least read the previous one shot, "Call If You Need Me" if you forgo the original fic. Those both set this one up. 
> 
> Okay, continue.

“Are you okay?”

“That’s like the ninth time you’ve asked me that.”

“And it’s the ninth time I’ve expected an answer.”

“And for the ninth time, yes. Can we please sleep now?”

“I’ve got six years on you and you’re tapping out already?”

“Exactly, you ran away from dinosaurs, this day and age we don’t have that kind of authentic, stamina training.”

I know exactly two things as of this moment.

One: I’m lucky I’m cute, or I’d be dead.

And two: I am genuinely surprised that Carli’s not tired.

She has the sexual appetite of a high-functioning nymphomaniac. I can handle being called upon two or three (or six) times a week, but factor in four or five rounds a night (and maybe two in the morning) and I don’t remember _not_ being tired.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” she says with a glare.

“If I wasn’t, would I even be here?” I quip.

“Eh, you’re face-down most of the time anyway, so probably.”

And that. **Fucking**. Crooked. Smile.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” I bite out.

Carli reaches over me to turn out the lamp, purposefully sliding ungodly amounts of her naked body against mine to do so. I roll my eyes at her antics, and at my body for responding despite not having the energy to back it up. When the light goes out, she pulls back and gently pushes at my shoulder, signaling me to turn onto my side. I happily comply and she’s got her arms around my middle and lips pressed to the back of my neck in no time. Her hand seeks out mine and she entwines our fingers, resting them over my stomach.

It’s weird, ever notice how after sex it feels like it’s a million degrees, yet you still cuddle anyway? Like, everything is hot and wet, and I feel like I’m dying, but so help me god, if you don’t hold me…

Which brings up another train of thought I’ve been ignoring for a while.

This is… not normal, right? The way she’s holding me, so much of me craves it, and I think that’s the problem. This feels exactly how you would want it to, given the perfect situation. I feel… safe. Taken care of.

_Loved_.

And she does this every time. Every feasible inch of her is pressed against my back in a way that’s just too…

_Intimate_.

I’ve been in long-term relationships that never felt this good. I’ve been with people that loved me, people I loved, people that were experienced, people that had every reason to feel like Carli feels against me right now, and they’ve never come close. I’m lucky, I know that. I’m lucky she slipped up and picked me that night. I’m lucky she called me again. I’m lucky she _keeps_ calling me.

“You’re thinking pretty hard there for someone so tired,” she mumbles against the back of my neck.

“How do you figure?” I ask.

Her breath comes out in puffs against the back of my neck, her laugh accompanying it.

“I can feel you moving your mouth,” she says. “You mouth words when you need to talk to yourself but can’t.”

Should I be flattered that she noticed I do that or mortified that I’ve never noticed?

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s going on in that entirely too brilliant mind of yours?”

And then she says shit like that that makes me feel everything all over again.

“Were you always like this?” I blurt out.

Okay Christen, just jump in the deep end again, because that always fucking works.

“Great in bed? Yes.”

“As much as I love literally feeling you smirk, no. I meant like _this._” I squeeze her hand. “Have you always been this… cuddly with booty calls?”

“You don’t like it?” She pulls her lips away from my neck slightly.

“No no, I didn’t say that,” I start. “I’m just curious.”

Carli’s deep inhale gives me pre-shivers as her chest is pressed further into my back. The full shiver takes place when said sigh hits my neck and upper back. It’s all just too intimate, feeling every movement of someone breathe, every ounce of air they draw in and breathe back out. And I know she feels my reaction every time she does it.

“You remember what I told you the first time this happened?” She tenses. “About falling in love for one night?”

I don’t respond verbally, but I know she feels me nod my head slightly.

“I guess this is just part of it. Br-…_ he_ wasn’t super cuddly after sex. I mean, I wasn’t exactly complaining, but I always felt like we were supposed to. I never really got it until now, why people do it, but this,” She pulls me closer. “This feels amazing.”

“It does,” I say.

It feels more than just amazing, it feels right. This is what the comedown is supposed to feel like. This is what’s supposed to fill the void that opens after intimacy. But is this something I want with casual sex? This feeling wasn’t meant for this activity, right? This was meant for couples and lovers to pull them closer more than just physically.

But I don’t think I could give it up if I tried.

“You’re doing it again.” She cuts off my thoughts.

“Sorry, still thinking.” I smile.

“I’m starting to think if you’re awake enough to think like this, you’re awake enough for another round,” she says, loosening her hand from mine and trailing down my stomach.

“Thinking is not mutually exclusive with being awake.” I do my best to ignore her wandering hand.

“Maybe not, but I think you’re entirely too awake to _stop_ thinking,” she says, kissing my neck.

Focus Christen, ignore the fact that she’s gently circling the reason you’re halfway to saying, ‘fuck it’.

“You don’t find it weird?” I ask around a sharp inhale.

“That you’re so awake?” she asks, nipping at my jaw.

“That we-” I stifle a groan as she applies more pressure. “Cuddle like this?”

“Nope. Unless it’s bothering you, I can stop if it is,” she breathes into my ear before dragging her tongue over it.

“Not at all, I just-_fuck_… I just never knew you were so touchy feely.”

This is not how I planned on this conversation going.

“I’m not.” She drops an open mouth kiss on my neck. “It’s just kind of a recent thing.” She moves out from behind me and settles back on top of me, resting between my legs.

A recent thing or a since she’s been with me thing? Every question I have is just making way for another question to replace it. What’s worse, why do I care so much? I mean, I obviously care about Carli and she doesn’t completely shut down when Brian is mentioned anymore, so that’s progress, but I fe-good god she should not be this talented with her fingers.

“I was wondering when you were gonna stop fighting me,” she murmurs into my neck.

When my mind empties, it’s all long thrusts and more bite marks on my collarbone.

I’ve never experienced sex the way I have with Carli. It’s amazing, and… definitely leaves a lot of bruises, but it’s also a little one sided. I’m no pillow princess by any means, I reciprocate as much as she lets me, but she seems to _prefer_ giving more than she gets. Maybe it’s to prove a point, or maybe she just needs to get out some pent-up frustration. Either way, I’m on the receiving end of it _a lot_.

It kind of makes me wonder what Brian was like. I don’t mean to think about him while she’s doing _that_, but it’s hard not to go there. Was he able to keep up? Am I better than he was? Was she satisfied with him? Do _I_ satisfy her? Is this what she was like with him?

I always kind of figured if you were unfortunate enough to walk in on him and Carli during sex, he’d be the one on all fours while she was behind him.

And no, it’s not just because that’s how she likes it with me.

I mean, she _really_ enjoys that. One time-

“Stop thinking,” Carli grunts with a curl of her fingers. “If I have to turn you over again, you know what’s gonna happen.”

The end of that sentence is followed by a swift slap to my ass and then me embarrassingly orgasming the second she made contact.

Seriously, I don’t know what she sees in my hair-trigger of a sexual stamina.

When I can finally stop moaning and quivering, she sits back on her heels, still between my legs and of course, smirks at me.

“That was quick.”

“_You’re_ quick,” is the best response I can manage.

“I’m serious, with that speed, you could really impress Jill at practice on Tuesday.”

“Oh my god.” I glare down at her. “Can you not mention Jill while you’re still inside of me?”

“I could mention Tobin if that would make it better.”

“I hate you.”

Carli laughs and drops her free hand to my thigh.

“You wanna tell me what had you so distracted?”

“Not really,” I mumble.

And then, she gently rests her thumb on my clit, which is still overly sensitive.

“Darn, guess we’ll have to go again since talking isn’t on the table.”

“Carli if we go again, I might actually die,” I counter.

“So then talk, or stop me,” she says starting up small circles.

“You would-oh god, you would be mad,” I say, trying to stay focused.

“Try me,” she says, starting (very) slow thrusts again.

I wanna say I should totally stop her right now, but I think it’s better I don’t. I don’t want her to shut down or shut me out. That and… I don’t think I wanna stop her just yet anyway… maybe just a little longer… for science.

I let her continue, getting louder the faster she went, louder the harder she went, and she sits back and watches me as she brings me higher and higher

That’s another weird thing she does. She really likes to just… watch. I don’t necessarily mean at what she’s doing to me (although she does do that sometimes), but she watches at my face. There’s not much eye contact, largely because I can’t keep mine open most of the time, but there are plenty of times that I’ll open my eyes and catch her just… watching.

“Jesus Christen,” she says before, quite unexpectedly, pulling completely out of me.

That launches me back into the current predicament of being disgustingly close to finishing again.

“Why-” One hard quiver later. “Why’d you stop?”

“Are you serious?” Her brows furrow as her jaw drops.

“Carli, I was literally seconds from another orgasm,” I whine.

“Wha-how?” She gapes at me. “I could literally hear you thinking again that entire time and you expect me to believe you were getting off anyway?”

“Yes!” I sit up sharply. “You literally had me on the brink of cumming in the backseat of an Uber _while_ I was making small talk with the driver! At this point I can get through any distraction.”

“I don’t think you can call it small talk when you could barely get out a sentence.”

“You could’ve given me a hand.”

“Oh, but I did. You had it the entire drive,” she finishes with a cocky smile.

Fuck.

“Okay, I walked into that one,” I sigh. “But the point is, I can multitask. You _know_ that.”

She stares at me for a moment.

And then another.

“For the love of god, will you just tell me what you were thinking about?” she groans. “Now _I _can’t stop thinking which means there’s no way you’re getting off again.”

My turn to groan.

“I told you… you’d get mad.”

“I think we’re past the point of me getting mad at your inability to live in the moment.” She glares.

“Not about that and you know it.” I return her glare. “It’s about... you… and Brian.”

Her inevitable tense is quicker than usual and makes me rethink my earlier comment about her making progress. She actually looks mad and disturbed. That’s new.

“You were thinking about Brian while we were having sex?”

Oh god.

“No! God, no, that is _not_ what I meant.” I’m quick to rush out.

“I really hope _can _explain what you meant, because it does not look good from where I’m sitting.” She relaxes, albeit minutely, but it’s something.

“I mean, you’re sitting in front a naked Christian Press, I think that looks pretty good,” I say with a nervous smile.

This is another moment where I’m lucky I’m cute because I think she’s halfway to throwing me out of this house bare-ass naked.

“Start talking before I throw you out of this house bare-ass naked.”

Spot on.

“Right,” I say, pulling my legs from either side of her to sit all the way up. “What I meant was that I’m just a little… confused, I guess. About all of this.”

“What is there to be confused about? This has nothing to do with him,” she says, mirroring my position.

“I just…” I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath and looking down at my lap. “I wanna talk to you about it, but I’m not sure how to do it without you shutting me out. I don’t want you to be upset with me.” I look back up at her.

Carli’s deep breath is twice the size and heaviness of mine. She also drops her eyes to her lap for a moment before nodding slowly. Whatever conversation she’s having in her head is nothing but question marks to me. We have rules: we keep this a secret, this is nothing more than sex, and we don’t mention Brian. The Brian Rule, however, is rule #1. Above anything else, he is something that will shut her down to the point where she’ll ask me to leave. It’s only ever happened once. I tried to get her to talk about it and between her refusal to look at me, openly crying, and telling me to leave, I learned just how not over it she was.

I didn’t leave of course. I told her she would have to physically make me leave if she wanted me gone, and things just collapsed from there. She ended up letting me hold her while she sobbed into my stomach for an hour. She tried to get me to leave again after that and I still refused. I think that whole night we just cuddled between her bouts of tears and asking me to go.

“I won’t get mad,” she says quietly. “And I’ll try not to shut down. Ask what you need to.”

Hello unprecedented progress? Is that what this is? What is happening? She’s never… what did I do? Did I seriously just break her or hurt her to the point where she’s given in? That was not my intention, I just wanted to talk, oh god…

“Uh… you know what? It’s fine, really, forget I mentioned it. I’m sorry.” I ramble.

She smirks a little at me and scoots close, reaching for my hands and holding them in hers.

“It’s been months since we… since you and I started this,” she says. “It still hurts, a lot, but I think you’ve gained the right for a few answers. You’ve put up with enough of my breakdowns to at least give you that.”

Breakdowns. She used to have those often. A lot of times it was after the sex, sometimes before. She would break and I would hold her together the best I could. My arms aren’t that big, but they seemed to be enough for her.

“Okay,” I nod, still hesitant to her sudden change of heart. “In bed, did he… satisfy you?”

At that, Carli’s softness takes an awkward turn and she nearly looks disappointed.

“Press, I literally just gave you free reign to ask any question about the one thing I refuse to talk about, and you ask if my ex could fuck me the right way?”

“It’s not that weird if you think about it!” I blast, earning quite the curious look from Carli. It’s not like I think about them fucking all the time and wonder if she liked it… although, because she’s not in my brain, she wouldn’t know that…ugh. “Okay… with context it’s not that weird.” I’m an idiot.

“If context can fix the cluster fuck of whatever is going on right now, I’m all ears.”

You get an E for effort, Christen.

“Okay, let’s start with us. The mass majority of the time, you let me reciprocate like once a night, twice if I’m lucky. The rest of the time, you do most of the work and wear me out to the point where I _can’t_ reciprocate,” I explain. “Is it because you had to do all the work and he didn’t… you know… do enough? So, you’re used to that? Or maybe he was too much in all the wrong places and you had to work it out for yourself, so you prefer me to not do anything?”

Carli stares at me in wonder for a few seconds, opening and closing her mouth multiple times.

“You were thinking about all of that and _still_ getting off?” she asks.

“That’s actually only one of the things, but yes.”

“Jill really does not give you enough credit.”

“Didn’t we just agree not to talk about Jill?”

“You said when I was inside you, I am very much not inside you right now. Although, if you want-”

“Carli.”

“_Fine_,” she groans. She looks around for a moment, stalling for a little longer, before looking back at me. “The sex was alright. It wasn’t nearly like what we do, but it wasn’t plain vanilla either. He was pretty good about making sure we both got off. It was probably a 50/50 split of effort.”

Well that doesn’t sound like a sob story I had in my head.

“Wait that’s it? There was no… then why…” I trail off.

“Is it bad that I just really like knowing what I can do to you?” she says with a smirk that gives me more of those famed shivers. “Maybe that was part of the problem with him. No one was in control, there was nothing to it, it was almost robotic. Pump, grunt, cum, sleep.”

Yeah, that is _not_ how we do it.

“So then… why are you against me returning the favor?” I ask.

“Honestly, I’m not. I just have a lot I wanna do. I…” She takes another deep breath. “I like making you feel good. I like knowing that I’m good at this and that I can do it right.”

If she’s trying to hold back tears, she’s doing a pretty great job.

“Sex has nothing to do with whether or not you make me feel good Carli. I feel pretty damn great just by sitting here with you. I know he made you feel like even when you were the best, it wasn’t enough, but sex is not going to prove him wrong. You never had to prove any of it to begin with,” I say with a shrug.

She’s great at holding back tears until she’s not. And when they fall, they don’t usually stop.

“Except that I do. I have to be good. I have to be the best.” She sniffles. “Because when things fuck up, it means that I wasn’t.”

“Or maybe it’s people that are fucked up that told you that,” I counter. “Humor me for a second: Do you think I’m fucked up?”

She hesitates for a moment.

“No.” She pauses for another moment. “You’re probably the most put together person I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah and I’m still right here. You’re great Carli, but you’re not the best.” I watch her brows furrow. “You’re not the best, and you don’t ever have to be, because that is not why I stay. That’s not why I care. You could be the worst soccer player in the world, and I would still be right here, holding your hands, sexually frustrated, naked, and a little cold.”

That gets a small smile and a sob out of her.

“Yeah well, I guess we’ll see,” she says with another sniffle. “And um, you satisfy me way the hell more than Brian ever did. I really do just like knowing what I can do to you. I enjoy it, but I can pull back a little more and let you eat your heart out. So… next question?”

That’s more hope than she’s had since all this started, and I will take it.

“Why do you always ask if I’m okay?” I ask.

“Because I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“Carli.”

“Christen.”

“Seriously,” I groan. “My answer is always yes and I’m pretty sure it’s obvious that I am _very_ okay.”

“I know,” she says, running her thumbs over the back of my hands. “But I wanna be sure. I don’t ever want you to feel like you shouldn’t speak up if something is too much or if you’re uncomfortable. I can be a bit… much sometimes. You always take care of me, is it so bad that I wanna take care of you too?”

“I think that’s fair,” I say with a smile.

“Good, because even if you said it wasn’t, I’m not going to stop.” She smirks at my eye roll. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, one more and then I promise we’ll call it a night,” I say.

“Good, because I actually am tired now and if you still wanna get off, we’re gonna have to do this fast.” Another smirk.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say with a laugh. “Anyway, is there a reason you like to just… watch?”

“…television?” she asks, arching an eyebrow. “Context, Press.”

“We’re _in_ context, Lloyd. We literally have not stopped talking about sex.”

“Do I like to watch us have sex?”

“Not us, me.”

“… do I like watching you have sex?”

“Carli!”

“Christen!”

“Oh my god,” I let go of her hand to pinch the bridge of my nose. “You watch me when we have sex. You don’t just look or glance, you watch. Like, my face.”

I can’t tell if I’m going to put her head through a wall or mine at this point.

“Oh… I guess I do, huh?” She looks up for a moment, thinking back, before dropping her gaze back to me. “I mean, you’re nice to look at.”

“Thanks, you’re also nice to look at, but that’s only half the answer you have,” I say, pulling her hand back into mine.

“Have I ever told you how obnoxious it is that you know what goes on inside my head, yet I can’t seem to get close to what goes on in yours?” She deflates.

“Many times. So, what’s your full answer?”

“You are relentless,” she laughs. “I don’t know… probably ties in with what I said before. I like making you feel good and that’s how I know I’m doing it right. I like knowing how I make you feel… and it’s not just by your face. Your whole body is very… responsive.”

“Responsive?” I ask.

Oh, this is either going to make me wanna die or pull her on top of me.

“Yeah… your body tells me if I’m doing it right, we’ve established that, but it’s also just _really_ sexy. The way you arch, bite your lip, tense, writhe… I think I get off on that almost more than when you return the favor,” she finishes that with that damn crooked smile that really shouldn’t make me instantly… damp… at any given moment.

I honestly didn’t think that there was a higher compliment than ‘you’re nice to look at’ from Carli Lloyd, but I have just been proven so wrong that it almost hurts.

And it hurts so good.

“That’s… nice,” I almost whimper.

“Speaking of responsive.” She makes a show of glancing down and making me wish I wasn’t sitting crisscross. “I believe I’m doing something right again.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey, I’m not the one staining the sheets with appreciation.”

“I’m not staining anything; we’re having a conversation.”

“I can literally see what our conversation is doing to you and I recall you promising we were calling it a night anyway,” she says, pulling a hand from mine to run it over my thigh.

You know what? Tonight was a win for me, in any context. Three questions are three more than I ever thought I would get with her and quite frankly, I’m happy. I’m happy with her and with myself and… I’m happy that she’s not sitting here sobbing or asking me to leave. And just maybe,_ maybe_ she’ll take some of what I said to heart. I meant every word of it. The past few months have been exciting and fun, but they’ve been deep and connecting too.

I never thought I would ever see this side of the great Carli Lloyd, but here I am. She feels like she has to be the best to mean anything to me and… she has no idea that I’m wondering how someone like me, practically a nobody, is who she wants to matter to. Maybe I’m helping her heal, helping her learn that she doesn’t have to be the best… and maybe she’s helping me too.

I don’t have to be the best to matter either.

“Fine, we’ll call it a night, but only because at this point you look like you’re going to jump me regardless,” I say.

“I was considering it.” She smiles at me again. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” I smile back. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I am.”

She looks at me for another moment before leaning in to kiss me. It’s slow and soft, but it’s the kind of kiss that lights a fire somewhere deep. I already know how this next part is going to go because of it. She wants to do it just like the way she’s kissing me, slow, soft, and passionate. That sounds pretty damn amazing right about now, especially after all of this. We’ll hold each other after and fall asleep with lazy kisses and back rubs. There’s honestly no other place I would rather be, no other person I would rather be doing this with.

And that worries me. Now that I know what this is like with her, I don’t think I want it with anyone else, and I have a feeling she doesn’t wanna be doing this with anyone else either. I know it’s complicated, I know it’s dangerous, and I know I shouldn’t care this much, but I do. She’s worth it to me, she always will be.

And I know that it’s delicate, but I’m willing to be as gentle as she needs.

For as long as it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a journey to write. 
> 
> So this takes place between the one shot, "Call If You Need Me" and the chapter, "The Half is Starting Soon" of Gasoline. I always knew I wanted to expand on Carli and Christen's relationship and I have many ideas and snapshot moments floating around my head. Fun Fact: This was originally a whole lot of smut, but it didn't feel right to forgo actual relationship storytelling for these two. They deserve more than that from me. 
> 
> I don't know what it is about this pairing that makes me want to write so much, but I kind of love it. I may just end up writing a few more of their moments together. Let me know if I should continue the series this relationship gives me life.  
Please, leave your thoughts.
> 
> A.Y.P.


End file.
